Calories can't make you happy.

Has anyone been watching the new show on E called What's Eating You??? It is an amazing show. I really feel like I understand where these people are coming from. It makes me feel sad but it is also really triggering. The one I am watching right now is focusing on a boy who uses laxatives to purge. I do that sometimes even though I know it is bad and now I have this overwhelming feeling to go out and get some lax to get rid of what I ate today. I didn't even eat that much but I just want to get rid of it because I feel like a fat lard.   I fasted all day until lunch like I said I would since I broke my rule. And at lunch I ate half an apple because it was so stressful that I just couldn't eat. We had a somewhat of a suprise inspection so I was running around like crazy. This sounds bad but I am going to count that as my gym for the day cause I am exhausted.

Here is some good news. So I met this kid when I went up to school a couple of weeks ago and we have been talking pretty much every night. He like really wanted to hang out with me even though he lives like 2 hours away. I don't understand why he would want to drive that far just to hang out. It is weird. I truly don't think that anybody has ever liked me enough to drive down to see me. Even my friends from school don't come and visit. To be honest it kind of freaks me out. But yea he is coming down tomorrow and I am sooooooo nervous!!!! It's crazy! I don't know what to do???  I just don't think that I am worth it. He told me I was cute last night. That was really suprising because I don't think I am at all and the only other person who has told me that just wanted to sleep with me.... I hope that hr doesn't think that is what is going to happen cause it DEFINETLY won't happen!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!