Do you really want to be that weight for the rest of your life!?!?

Rule #1: Breakfast and Lunch must total under 300 calories

Rule #2: Must drink 1 full water bottle with each meal.

Rule #3: Only drink water or coffee. I will allow myself 1 redbull a week cause I can't live without!

Rule #4: Water intake has to be at least 4 bottles of water.
Rule #5: Must go to the gym 6 days a week for at least an hour.
Rule #6: If eating dinner must be eaten before going to the gym.

Rule #7: If eating dinner must eat the minimum allowed without drawing attention from mom.

Rule #8: No eating past 7:30pm

Rule #9: Must weigh in twice a day = once in the morning and once at night before bed

Rule #10: If I go into the kitchen to snack must drink a full bottle of water and immediately leave.

 

 So the rules with lines in them are the ones I have kept thus far today. The other ones I dont see myself breaking but I don't want to cross them off the list just yet. Because of all the fighting with my mom yesterday about that nasty dinner, she told me that I could eat whatever i wanted for dinner and that my dad was having the left overs. SCORE!!! My intake for the day is as follows:

                                                                 Breakfast: coffee- 10

                                                                                     Fiber 1 bar - 140

 

                                                                  Lunch: water

                                                                                Fiber 1 bar- 140

 

                                                                   Dinner: water

                                                                                  coffee- 10

                                                                                 yogurt- 110

                                                                                 wheat thins - 130

                                                                                 apple - 65

That brings my total intake to 605, and I feel satisfied right now. I am getting ready to head to the gym. I take this intense class at 6:30, but I want to get some cardio in so that I can make sure I burn off the total amount of calories I took in today. 

 

I am actually pretty proud of myself for 2 reasons. Number  1, my mom brought home candy and I refused it. Even after she pretty much threw it at me I still said no, I am on diet!! Also she baked the pumpkin pie last night, my fav by the way, and there is one piece left still in the fridge, calling to me. I could have devoured the whole thing when I got home from work, but I didn't I opened the fridge, saw it, and promptly closed the fridge and walked upstairs to get changed. Let me tell you seeing myself in the mirror was thinspiration itself!! Number 2, at work I am getting promoted, and they are letting me do real tech stuff tomorrow. I am so happy and proud that I stayed at this crap job because it is finally paying off!!!

 

 

10/17/10

Rule #1: Breakfast and Lunch must total under 300 calories

Rule #2: Must drink 1 full water bottle with each meal.

Rule #3: Only drink water or coffee. I will allow myself 1 redbull a week cause I can't live without!

Rule #4: Water intake has to be at least 4 bottles of water.
Rule #5: Must go to the gym 6 days a week for at least an hour.
Rule #6: If eating dinner must be eaten before going to the gym.

Rule #7: If eating dinner must eat the minimum allowed without drawing attention from mom.

Rule #8: No eating past 7:30pm

Rule #9: Must weigh in twice a day = once in the morning and once at night before bed

Rule #10: If I go into the kitchen to snack must drink a full bottle of water and immediately leave.

Alright so those are the rules and today I have pretty much broke all of them today. So pissed off at myself today it is unbelievable. Tomorrow I need to get strict again.. However I realized that I haven't decided on a punishment for when I break my rules. I think if I blatantly break a rule it will result in fasting for the rest of the day and the following day. If i only break the rule a little bit it will result in fasting for the rest of the day. If i break more than 1 rule no matter how big the break was I will have to fast for the rest of the day. the following day, and I have to add an extra hour to my gym time the following day. 

 Ugg so my mom made dinner tonight for the first time in forever and we all had to eat it. It was some steak thing and now I feel sick. First off I don't eat red meat.. i just don't. I will eat chicken but not red meat. It thoroughly disgusts me. Now i was forced to eat it and will probably be sick tonight because of it. Secondly I didn't want to eat dinner tonight. I just wasn't feeling it. I feel like such a big tub of lard already and when I continue to put more food into my mouth I just feel myself expanding. I feel the need to purge but I haven't done that in so long and I really don't want to. I don't have any laxatives right now either so I am really pissed. Plus my mom baked a pie and is expecting us all to have a piece. NO NO NO NO NO NO. I DONT WANT ANY MORE FOOD!!!! WHY CAN'T SHE UNDERSTAND THAT?????




 

10/13/10

Today woke up and weighed myself as usual... and much to my excitement the scale was lower than it has been in a while... i hit 198.8 today!!! Its a small amount but its still something. 

Stayed following my rules today so i am pretty happy.. I am really hungry right now but I am trying to decide if i want to eat or not. Its a toughie!!

New game New rules

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't So if the chain is on your door, I understand.




Ok so here are some updates on my life. Number 1 I am still a fat ass... weight has not budged. I don't really understand that but I will come back to this in a little. Number 2 I went on a little vacation this weekend. I went back to school for homecoming, and while I was there one of my friends decided it was a good idea to try to set me up with her nephew. I met him on Wednesday night and he was really cute and seemed really nice. To make a long story short he apparently really liked me to and we have been talking everyday since. He really wants to hang out but the thing is he  lives like 3 hours away. It just feels weird to have someone actually want to spend time with me. I find myself putting up the wall and I think it is because I can't accept it for what it is. I don't know why I feel like this. Is this normal?? I have no idea and it is causing me a lot of stress. Another issue that I am having with this is the fact that he is real thin... and I obviously am not... so today I started a new diet. I really need to get in control and so far today I have done really well. I created a new set of rules that I need to follow each day.

Rule #1: Breakfast and Lunch must total under 300 calories

Rule #2: Must drink 1 full water bottle with each meal.

Rule #3: Only drink water or coffee. I will allow myself 1 redbull a week cause I can't live without!

Rule #4: Water intake has to be at least 4 bottles of water.
Rule #5: Must go to the gym 6 days a week for at least an hour.
Rule #6: If eating dinner must be eaten before going to the gym.

Rule #7: If eating dinner must eat the minimum allowed without drawing attention from mom.

Rule #8: No eating past 7:30pm

Rule #9: Must weigh in twice a day = once in the morning and once at night before bed

Rule #10: If I go into the kitchen to snack must drink a full bottle of water and immediately leave.

These are rules that I am going to stick to. I ABSOLUTELY need to slim down. I wont allow myself to stay at this size anymore...it is sickening. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. This needs to stop now!

Blah

I'm having a bit of a depressive streak right now. Not really motivated to do anything, that's why I really haven't posted any big posts. I'm sorry if it seems like I am not really caring but I can't help it. It takes a lot to motivate me to make it through the day right now. There is a lot of stuff going on with my family right now and its causing me to stress out a little bit and its not really helping my situation. I will right about this in a little when i am feeling a little more motivated.

By the way my scale at home is definelty broken. Weighed myself at the gym and I was 195 with clothes on, got home and didn't eat or drink anything jumped on the scale and it said 200. Ummm really?!? So from now on I will be using the gym scale...

Boring

Nothing really much to report but I figured I would update. I have been restricting like crazy but my weight has not changed AT ALL!!!! I havent gained which is good but I also havent lost which is not good. I think that scale  might be broken so tomorrow I am going to start weighing myself at the gym and only using that one.  That's about it... Im watching Glee right now... who knew that these girls had such amazing bodies!!! More thinspiration for me I guess.....

It's been a while....

Hey there.. it's been a long time since I posted last because I have been having a pretty rough time. It was my birthday last week... and that just created a horrible downward spiral but Im happy to say that I am back on track. I am back down to 199.4. I got up almost to my high weight so even though that sounds like a shit ton, i am kind of glad I am back there. I am really restricting for the next 2 weeks before I go back to school.

On a good note, I did get into my smallest sized jeans recently. I threw out my biggest sized jeans so there is no way I can go back up to my high weight.  Not allowing it. I will catch up on everybody soon. I have just been real busy with work, working out, and sleeping.. .that is pretty much all that I do.... what a great life I live!

Well I am going to head out for a run now. I'll be back later.